69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
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got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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