I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
