So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
