So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
