Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
