I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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