the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
