Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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