He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
