the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
