I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
