The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
