I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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