Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
