Apparently you make a good broom.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
