no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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