I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
