Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
