Where is the hickey?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
