Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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