Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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