So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
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he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
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FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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