got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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