My first STD was from a foam party
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
