are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
