dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Randomize
