He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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