I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
