I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
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