the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
