Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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