i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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