Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
