I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
My balls are so social today.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Sext me about skeletons
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
