Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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