I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
