He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
