Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
