I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
