Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
