Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
