Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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