It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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