I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
