fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
