I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
