Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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