Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You did what with his pubic hair?
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