Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My balls are so social today.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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