You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
