New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
