new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
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The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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