I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
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I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
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I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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