Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
