Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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