just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
