I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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