haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
