I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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