Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
