we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
