She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
she smelled like a LAN party
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
