OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
