Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
