he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
