If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
