OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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