it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
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Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
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She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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