I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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