LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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