Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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