her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
