I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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