Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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