Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
