Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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