Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
